Swamp Talk: Adam Levine is People’s “Sexiest Man Alive”?

By Dana Burke

adam_levine_peoplemag
Image from People Magazine

Adam Levine is People’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” and everyone’s pissed.

The Maroon 5 frontman was officially announced as the winner on Tuesday night’s episode of “The Voice.” But even days before the title was revealed, the Internet was already in an e-panic about the rumored victor.

In a Jezebel article from Nov. 15 appropriately titled, “Adam Levine Is Not the Sexiest Man Alive. Adam Levine Is the Worst,” writer Madeleine Davies goes on to call Levine “the human equivalent of testing positive for chlamydia.”

Well, that’s definitely one way to put it. Not sure if it’s better or worse than last year’s winner, Channing Tatum, being referred to as a human thumb.

But hey, what’s that thing they say? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or some bullshit like that, right?

Unfortunately, Levine’s fiancé, Victoria’s Secret Model Behati Prinsloo, even thinks the title is a joke.

“She thinks it’s hilarious,” Adam revealed to People Magazine. “Not cool, just hilarious. Trust me, she doesn’t think it’s cool.”

Ouch.

You know what else I think she’d laugh about? All of the comments on People’s article announcing the title to Levine:

“Sexiest weasel alive, maybe. Sexiest man? No.”

“All I’m saying is that when he hosted SNL and played a gay man, he was verrrrrrrrry convincing.”

And finally, from one very humble user, “Might as well have been my butt hole.”

Personally, I think he’s kind of hot. But sexiest? Eh… His douche-like demeanor and habit of serial dating Victoria’s Secret models (his fiancé is actually the third VS Angel he’s used as arm candy, but who’s counting) outweighs his looks, even if he has mastered the art of stubble.

If you’re only familiar with his singing and not his personality, here are three no-he-did-not-really-just-say-that quotes from the “sexiest” man himself, compiled by the New York Daily News:

1.) “You know what yoga’s good for?” Adam Levine asks, pausing in midthought as he discusses his healthful lifestyle. He draws to his feet, balances in the private jet’s narrow aisle, points at his crotch, and thrusts his pelvis like a porn star. “I’ll tell you what yoga is good for: Fuuuu-k-ing,” he chimes, in a singsong falsetto, then laughs. (Via Details magazine.)

2.) “I didn’t start a band to get girls,” Adam told Howard Stern in a radio interview. “I stayed in the band to get girls.”

3.) “There’s two kinds of men,” Levine told Details. “There are men who are f–king misogynist pigs, and then there are men who just really love women, who think they’re the most amazing people in the world. And that’s me. Maybe the reason I was promiscuous and wanted to sleep with a lot of them is that I love them so much.”

OK, Adam — whatever helps you sleep at night. Hope your publicist is getting a fat bonus for making this magic happen.

If you want to check out the glossy’s sexy runner-ups, close your eyes, ignore the cover image and pick up the issue on newsstands Friday.

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